By now everyone has heard that Camilla Parker Bowles, the duchess of Cornwall and wife of Prince Charles, learned the hard way from which orifice our puppet president (P.P.) speaks. Dementia Joe arrived in Scotland to demand clean air and settled for crop-dusting those in attendance instead. Royal gossipers quote Camilla as saying the American president’s flatulence was “long and loud and impossible to ignore.”
This diplomatic airing of grievances comes at the rear of a disputed report from Rome last week that “the most popularly elected president in American history” was so happy to see the pope that he soiled himself on the spot. The incident was denied, and Democrats immediately claimed that Biden is capable of controlling his progressive movements just fine, but the two potty training rumors coming so close together make both pieces of scuttlebutt sound more likely.
Far be it for me to tell the pretend president (still P.P.) what he does with his bowels. Perhaps it was his way of secretly fighting back against the pope’s communist sympathies or the global elite’s climate hypocrisy. His NeverTrump allies have always claimed Ol’ Dirty Britches is actually a moderate at heart, even if he has proved incapable of moderating his other organs. Still, Joe sure does put the scat in scatterbrained. Just because he can’t remember where he is at any given moment, that doesn’t mean he should resort to constantly marking his territory.
If there is any more apt metaphor for this disastrous presidency, I don’t know it. Most European leaders were desperate to get rid of “America First” President Trump because he threatened the metastatic Western oligarchy in control of the financial system. They got their way and celebrated when the general foulness now occupying the Oval Office took over.
The thing about working to place a turd in the White House, however, is that it still smells unmistakably like a turd when sitting across the mahogany dining room table, no matter how fine the tablecloth or how exquisite the crystalware. If European dignitaries had any doubts about this before Joe’s foreign misadventures, they are certainly well aware of the malodorous truth now. It must finally be clear that if “something is rotten in the state of Denmark,” Joe Biden has most likely gotten lost somewhere nearby.
While President Trump always spoke to his counterparts clearly, plainly, and assertively, wherever P.P. Biden tries to formulate sentences, he leaves behind a mess for others to clean up. That might have seemed like a manageable problem for European elites who despised Trump’s determination to squash the existing crony capitalist system and NATO free rider problems that hamper both Western free trade and international security, but now that Biden has nonchalantly dumped on his European partners both a disastrously deadly Afghanistan retreat and a military double-cross that resulted in one of the worst diplomatic spats in French-American history, some Europeans might regret that President Trump is not still in power.
With a cold winter fast approaching and a potential energy crisis looming, has the replacement of a confident President Trump with a piddling (p)Resident Biden made Russia more or less of a threat to continental Europe? Should it have been a surprise to the European aristocracy that whereas Donald Trump’s resolve and unpredictable nature kept both Vladimir Putin and Xi Jinping on their toes, neither foreign adversary is much intimidated by a man whose daily goal is simply to reach the privy before what should stay in-house accidentally goes outhouse?
European leaders wanted an American president they could control and got an American president who struggles to control himself. Replacing a man of firm constitution with one who has none tends to invite the wolves to come out and play. As China’s gyre around Taiwan and Russia’s grip on Europe’s natural gas reserves both tighten, real American strength is in demand, but only American hot air is in supply. Just as Pax Romana came to an end under Emperor Commodus, Pax Americana may well come to an end under President Commode.
In case there is any doubt in Europe, it is becoming clearer and clearer to most Americans that Joe and Kamala (who have certainly earned their blue-collar moniker, “s—- and giggles“) did not really win 81 million votes last November (no matter how hard the duplicitous Uniparty in control of government and the Big Media–Big Tech cabal censoring information try to convince people otherwise).
Fifty-six percent of voters believe that the election was stolen. Around thirty-five percent think it should be immediately overturned still today. Nearly sixty percent of likely voters think it is entirely appropriate to say, “F— Joe Biden,” and seventy-seven percent think the less profane but equally pejorative version, “Let’s Go Brandon,” is justified. More than half of Americans don’t believe that Joe Biden is “mentally sharp.” And fifty-eight percent of likely voters in the United States say His Flatulency is not mentally or physically capable of being president.
If all of this scientific polling doesn’t make a reasonable person question whether Senile Joe legitimately won last year’s election when so much of the American public opposes him today, an informal online poll asked respondents bluntly whether they would prefer the current Incontinent-in-Chief or a ham sandwich as president. Ninety-nine percent chose the ham sandwich.
Threatening Trump with criminal prosecution after leaving office and unconstitutionally imprisoning his political followers for almost a year in wretched dungeon-like conditions haven’t had their intended effect. Instead of ostracizing and stigmatizing the former president, he is more popular today than he ever was while in office.
The reality that Donald Trump won more votes than any other presidential candidate in American history (save for the peculiarly “popular” Biden) has not been lost on the American people. It has also not been lost on the American people that but for this rank “fundamental transformation” that has unleashed the fetid “build back better” rancidness upon the nation, we would still have low gas prices, low inflation, and lower illegal immigration today.
The duchess of Cornwall may have accurately described Slow Joe’s gaseous presence as “long and loud and impossible to ignore,” but the rising wave of Americans who are fed up with the corruption and communism that befoul this great country may one day end up being described much the same way. And when that day arrives, the European elite who work so hard to ignore the wishes of their people may find themselves checking their own trousers after getting a glimpse of what real change looks like.
It’s as President Trump recently opined: “Everything ‘woke’ turns to s—.” European aristocrats might want to remember that advice. Because it sure does seem as if everything the former (and perhaps future) president predicts, P.P. Biden eventually ends up proving true.