This is serious. I don’t know if you’ve heard the news, but a reliable source and Trusted Expert let me in on a dirty secret roiling Washington: Our democracy’s under attack! I will admit I had no idea. One moment you’re strolling through life under the misguided impression we’re living in a constitutional republic with representative government and then — Bam! — out of nowhere, you find out democracy is at risk! I’ve been trying to play catch-up as soon as I found out.
Here’s what I know so far: Apparently, if Democrats lose big in the 2022 midterms, Republicans will have destroyed democracy. I know! Why aren’t more people terrified about this? In order to save democracy, we must make sure that only one political party — helpfully named the “Democratic Party” — maintains power. You see? If Democrats succeed in holding power forever, then democracy will survive. If any other political party succeeds at its expense, however, democracy dies in darkness. It’s like a Greek tragedy.
No doubt this is why China has smartly insisted that all members of its government belong to the Chinese Communist Party. Why permit elections that might empower other political parties when those parties could so easily undermine democracy were they to win? It’s kind of like a preemptive war against democratic elections in order to save democratic elections — Brilliant! We have so much to learn about human rights from the Chinese.
It gets worse, though! Apparently, “domestic extremists” in America have been using free speech as a weapon to weaken democracy. When people debate ideas publicly, there’s a very real chance that differences of opinion will cause some people to suffer “harm.” Causing “harm” is “hateful.” Everybody should be against “hate.” So, in the interests of everybody, ideas should no longer be publicly debated. Besides, how could criticizing the policies of the Democratic Party be construed as anything other than anti-democratic? To preserve our precious democracy, it is imperative that Americans be saved from the tyranny of free speech. That’s obvious, right?
Take the government’s COVID-19 response as an example. When a small number of unelected health bureaucrats mandate that Americans cover their faces with masks and submit to forced injections of experimental “vaccines,” our Trusted Experts are saving democracy. When large numbers of Americans resist these mandates, however, those selfish Americans hurt democracy by making it more difficult for the small ruling class to impose its will on everyone else. When too many people question the wisdom and ethics of the government, then democracy is threatened. Only when people are left no other option than to obey is democracy protected. That’s why it’s so important that governing authorities first determine what free speech may be freely spoken before the wrong free speech subverts people’s faith in their democratic government. Censoring dissenting points of view isn’t only necessary but also patriotic!
Here’s where it gets tricky. I have been told by accredited Experts that when Black Lives Matter, Antifa, or any other organized protest group aligned with the Democratic Party takes to the streets to demand “change,” that is when we can get a close-up of democracy in action. When protesters stormed the Senate during hearings on future Associate Justice of the Supreme Court Brett Kavanaugh in 2018, for example, that was what democracy looks like. So democracy regularly requires large mobs of Democratic Party activists to scream slogans, wave signs, and storm offices. In fact, sometimes democracy requires breaking into government buildings, attacking police officers, and setting private businesses on fire for Americans to understand just how serious democracy is. However, only approved Democratic Party activists can engage in sanctioned democratic activities. Republican efforts to emulate any of these Democratic tactics without explicit prior government approval are strictly verboten and may be used as prima facie proof of “insurrection” in a court of law. When Democrats “protest,” it is always democratic; when Republicans protest, it is almost certainly “treasonous.” I told you, it’s all a bit tricky, but as long as Republicans stay obediently quiet in their homes, they should be fine. As one Expert told me, Republicans have the right to remain silent, and they should use it! That makes a lot of sense.
Of course, the easiest way to save democracy is to make sure that our elections are free from manipulation. That’s why it’s imperative that voting be as easy as possible. When voters are required to provide photo identification or signatures matching those on official records, fewer voters end up voting. When there are few security checks on the ballot process, precincts can report more votes than voters. Democracy thrives most when voters are allowed to anonymously use drop boxes with no monitoring or security at all. Therefore, the integrity of our democracy depends on having as little election integrity as possible. To demand otherwise is to suppress the votes of voters who otherwise might not vote if there were secure elections. Talk about manipulating elections!
Anyway, I will admit that I was slow to appreciate how serious a story this is. If we don’t act now, democracy may soon die. And if democracy dies, we’ll be forced to live under a system where only a small group of people rule over everybody else. That gives me the shivers just thinking about it. Imagine if Washington, D.C., forced the rest of the country to obey its every command. Frightening. I’m literally shaking…and possibly triggered by the thought…which should probably be banned in order to save democracy.
J.B. Shurk is a freedom-minded, anti-Establishment, sometimes-unorthodox, committed generalist and a proud American from Daniel Boone country.
